


For a while it'll be about you, all about you.

by Zarry hand hold (Jeri_1116)



Category: EastSiders
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 06:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeri_1116/pseuds/Zarry%20hand%20hold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cal decides some things</p>
            </blockquote>





	For a while it'll be about you, all about you.

**Author's Note:**

> Posting here for the first time. I usually post only at LiveJournal. Sometimes at fanfiction too as well. I've been thinking about moving my stuff here..... lets see how that goes. :)

Past

“I was thinking beige.” 

Cal shakes his head slowly; can’t believe those words passed Thom’s lips. 

“Well, why not? Isn’t this our place? Isn’t this where we are supposed to start our life together?" Thom stresses the words as if to assert his right to have an opinion. 

Beige should be something they should think about; should consider. Cal wants cream. He thinks cream would look more appealing coated on the walls.

 

Present

Cal knows he’s selfish. He knows that sometimes he stays in his own head; the current theme being screamed on constant repeat all about me. Me, me, me. Cal knows this. He knows that he can be self-absorbed. Completely, disgustingly self- absorbed. 

Isn’t that natural though, to think of you first? After all, who else is going to do it? 

He tries though. Tries to shift the attention, tries to be better at being better. He fails a lot of the times and knows he does. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t self aware and knows he has to try a lot harder.

Knowing all this, knowing how he can be. Knowing how he can make it all about himself and how he has to try to be better; be more human- just be there; there’s one thing he’s certain of- that he’s deeply and utterly aware of….. 

He loves Thom. 

He loves him so much it hurts; makes his stomach twist just thinking about them not being together. It’s the reason why the fucking walls wear not a lick of cream. He has his moments, has these certain flashes of putting the one you love first, flashes that make him act on it- do better. 

Doing better, learning to not be so self obsessed, has its downside though. You have to be prepared for the hit. 

It’s not an actual hit; not one that’ll leave a bruise, scary for all to see. No it’s a bruise that sits on the inside. It sits on the inside and slowly eats at you; never letting up.

It’s right there inside, continuing to leave damage. It’s a bruise that develops when you realize the person you taught yourself to do better for; never learned to do better for you. Never learned to think about you before they did something that had the potential to destroy you.

 

You take a risk when you put someone else before you. Sometimes the risk is good- you get your monies worth. 

That’s not the case with Cal though.

That’s why he’s leaned over, clutching at his stomach as if his insides are about to spill out. It’s not because he can’t stand the color, stand what he settled on in order to please the one he loved. No it’s…..

“You cheated on me, Cal. I can’t be with you- not anymore.” 

Cal laughs to himself; his stomach still twisting in knots; his eyes squeezing shut as tears slip past slow and steady. 

“You started it,” he whispers, shoulders flinching when he hears how childish he sounds.

But wasn’t it the truth though? Didn’t Thom start this? Didn’t Thom stick his dick where it didn’t belong? Cal was just returning the favor. It was the sensible thing to do- give it back tenfold, make it hurt like being kicked in the balls.

Cal didn’t expect this though, for Thom to leave and go right to the person he'd been fucking. 

Cal laughs at that because Thom doesn’t know. Thom thinks Cal fucked his boss end of story. But no, truth is Cal merely sucked his boss off. The person Cal had actual intercourse with was Jeremy. 

He knows how Jeremy likes to whisper in your ear and tell you he’s about to come- knows the face he makes when he comes. He knows he likes to rut against bare skin after coming, the sensitive feelings shooting an exquisite pleasure from the head of his cock. 

Cal laughs a little more. Does Thom know these things about Jeremy? Do they share these things now? Should they compare notes? Would it be interesting to have a detailed discussion on what it was like to have Jeremy inside of them?

He laughs harder. He can’t! He wants to keep that secret. He wants to use it at the right time. He wants maximum damage. It’s the human way - the fucking right way. 

 

He dreams of running into them while they are out enjoying a coffee and letting it spill like it was an accident. 

Of course it would be a ‘coincidence.’ A sheer shock. 

“What are you laughing at?” Thom asks, watching as Cal curls into himself, fingers reaching for a bottle of wine he wants to devour - make all his awkward pain retreat. “This isn’t funny!” 

Does Thom believe yelling this fact will get his point across? 

It doesn't. It’s just making things clearer. More focused. 

“Isn’t it? I find it quiet funny,” Cal pulls the bottle to his chest, a sigh pushing out, bangs fluttering. “You can leave now.” He doesn’t wait for a response. 

With the bottle safely in his hands he turns and heads for a bed, a bed they will never share together again. Thom may have destroyed him, but it’s temporary. He’ll repair himself. It’ll be a slow process, but he’ll get over it. He may retreat into himself and focus on himself solely again. Props to the future man he decides to give a chance. He’s going to give that guy a run for his money.

But for right now he wants to be alone with his inside joke, wants to think of all the ways it could play out. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s thinking of ways to fuck Jeremy again- that in turn would fuck Thom. Thom needs a good fucking- it won’t be the good kind though.

“Jeremy and I…. we fit. We’re better for each other.” Thom doesn’t know why he keeps talking; doesn’t know why he has to twist the knife. He just knows he has to be the one who wins this. He can’t have Cal walk away laughing, can’t let Cal have his moment of peace with his wine.

There’s a huge gap between them now when Cal turns around to stare, the bottle still snug in his arms, eyes red rimmed. He shakes his head slowly, smiles tightly, like his life depends on it. 

God he’s gonna fuck Thom. 

He’ll repair himself later. He’ll also search for that future man later. For the moment, it’s about Thom. 

He finds it ironic that Thom can make a mistake and expects things to work, expects to be forgiven. Cal makes the same kind of mistake and Thom’s out the door, couldn’t escape fast enough. 

 

What a hypocrite! 

Yeah, he’s gonna fuck Thom real good!

He can already picture the look of absolute bliss on Jeremy’s face, the way he rutted against him.

“Have fun,” he says, turning his back again. Thom has no idea how needy and flighty Jeremy is. “You’re gonna need it.” 

Cal doesn’t wait for a response. He's already kicking the door to their former bedroom shut with his foot. 

Cal slides down the door, the bottle falling to the side, his grip on it slack. He has to do this - make Thom pay. After all, Thom didn’t even think about it before he left and fell right back into Jeremy’s bed. Whatever Cal does to hurt Thom will be worth it. Thom made him consider another person before himself.

Big fucking mistake! 

It’s only fair that Cal gets revenge. 

Again… it’ll be all about Thom.


End file.
